TV Advice

Tonight's Colbert-ism: “Isn't a centrist someone who doesn't have the balls to be a fanatic?”


When my friends come to me with a “problem” or to seek advice, I always make it clear at the outset that I may not have an answer, suggestion or advice. Furthermore, if I do make a suggestion, I make it clear that I may not be fully qualified to give said advice. I say this having taken enough psychology credits to minor in psych. The only problem being the University of Kansas does not offer a psych minor.

So it bothers me when people on television give advice for things they aren’t qualified to give advice on. For instance, Jillian Barberie of Good Day LA/Fox 11 Morning News and formerly of Fox NFL Sunday. She has a degree in broadcast journalism and that’s it. So I have a little bit of a problem with her segment “Ask Jillian” every morning. I mean, she’s not even a weatherman—she’s a weatherwoman. What qualifications does she have for telling random people on the street how to handle their boss, spouse, child, parent, siblings, or coworkers? None.

Then there’s Tyra Banks. What a freakin’ joke. This woman once broke down in tears in front of a group of obese women because of how she was treated when she went undercover in a fat suit. Last time I checked, being a super model doesn’t put you in any position to tell kids to stay in school—especially when you didn’t go to college yourself. I’m not knocking people who don’t go to college. But I doubt they have the proper training to tell us how to live our lives. At most she should be telling us cosmetic and wardrobe secrets. But keeping a video diary of your “trip to Promises rehab center in Malibu?” First of all, here’s a snippet of what she posted on her website:


“I feel like I’ve been very lucky because I don’t really have an addictive personality. I’ve never had any drugs and I had a little taste of alcohol when I was 12-years-old, but that’s about it.”


Twelve? You started drinking when you were twelve? I was 20 before I had the balls to sneak beer into my dorm. That doesn’t make you seem like an “everyman,” T. You’re an idiot. Go hang out in traffic. Second, you’re not on drugs. At least if you are, you hide it very well, or comparatively better than Britney or Lindsay. So your trip to rehab should be much more pleasant than say Courtney Love trying to come off heroine. Third, when you consider all the amenities at Promises, it’s more of a country club than a rehab center. Hell, when I heard Lohan was going in, I thought about checking in. Water fountains, horseback riding, oceanfront view, loose movie stars—my 21st birthday wasn’t that cool.

So, when you’re not qualified to give advice, and you don’t acknowledge that you aren’t qualified to give advice, and you disseminate information that may or may not be accurate/healthy, you a) look like an ass and b) could be doing more harm than good. I guess what I’m trying to say is, Lohan, call me. I have beer. The end.

peace sign,
p