That's a First For Me

Tonight's Colbert-ism: “Now I like that part he said there about this Wall Street melt down being a sign of Armageddon. For years I’ve been saying that Jesus is coming back on a cloud of money.”


Well, I finally experienced something last night that I had longed to be a part of since I moved to LA: An earthquake. Now, it's one thing to experience an earthquake. It's another to experience one for the first time. It's yet another to experience your first earthquake at 12:30 A.M. while watching Halloween II. Yes, I poohed a little.

The weirdest part of the ordeal was the non-quake part of the episode. I'll explain. At first I had no idea I was experiencing an earthquake. I was sitting on my couch and all of a sudden it felt like several people were shaking it in unison. At first I doubted that it was an earthquake because nothing but my couch was moving. No pictures on the walls moved. Nothing I had propped against the walls like my Guitar Hero guitar even slightly moved. So doubting that it was even an earthquake, mt mind went down the list of logical explanations for what I must have felt. Here's what my brain (which is also a sort of "natural" disaster) came up with: "Oh, God, oh, God! There's a small animal under my couch and its trying to escape."

So immediately I brought my knees to my chest and sat in a fetal position for a few minutes thinking that if there were a badger under my couch, it would try to free itself again. Over the next few minutes I convinced myself that there was no animal under the couch and that the shaking must have been a quake. The next part is equally as pathetic.

I went outside to look around, hoping others would have felt the vibrations and wanted to check out the neighborhood for damage as well. There was no one in sight. It was like a scene in one of those Apocalypse movies where a virus or something else has wiped out all of humanity and so all the cities and towns are completely empty except for one person. I was that guy in my mind last night. Well, I knew that I wasn't the only one alive in Culver City. But it did get me to thinking about how if there was some case where I was the last man standing, I would be screwed because I'm not extremely resourceful. I mean, I'd last for a while because there's a grocery store within a five minute walk from my place. If I had a brick I could smash out the door and get in and get more food and water. But once I run out of good stuff to eat in there I'd be done for. Either that or I'd have to find another grocery store. But that would be like a four mile walk.

Anyway, it was an interesting experience. Actually, once it was all over and my heart settled a little I realized how cool a feeling it was. Like my cousin Peter said, it was a little like a free ride at a thrill park. The point I'm trying to make is football season is almost here, and I can't wait! The end.

peace sign,
p